Time flies by so fast when you have kids and I am aware of it not only looking and my kids but by looking in the mirror. Sometimes it makes me sad. I wish I could look a bit younger and had a better figure as my post-pregnancy shapes do not want to vanish. Each morning I fight with my lazy self in order to do some sit-ups and basic yoga. Sometimes I do it, more often I don’t ending up in front of the computer, drinking coffee and enjoying the quiet time when everybody is still asleep. I am angry at myself because I really like yoga and I am good at it or I used to. It makes me feel wonderful, awake and alive. Seriously. At the same time I had no idea why it is so hard to JUST DO IT!
Does anybody know?!
Despite the fact that our No. 2 has slept through the night for the last several days whenever the kids go to bed I go with them because I am so tired. It hadn’t happened before. Before, when they would go down for the nap I would do all the chores around the house or blog, read a book, bake and cook. Last several days I just don’t want to do any of those things.
I just want to sleep.
At the same time I feel a burden of not blogging while at the same time taking tons of pictures EVERY SINGLE DAY. My computer is almost full and it’s time to do the clean-up, but when I think about it I get chills. I do not want to do that.
I just want to sleep.
Even now, writing the words you’re reading, I do it because I can’t think straight… I had to blog and explain everything, let it out. I think I am addicted. I know I wouldn’t be able to relax and fall asleep.
I feel like I need a resolution. The kind where I say: NO MORE TAKING PICTURES (self-portraits only) until I am done with cleaning up the mess I’ve created. Because of that I no longer want to open my PICTURES folder, and if I do that I just sit and stare at it not knowing where to start. Recipes, kids, morning flowers, evening flowers, self-portraits, bumblebees and tralalabees, stairs, spoons, chairs… you name it.
I feel like I no longer live my life just for living and enjoying it but for the purpose of taking pictures and blogging about it. I can’t just go outside without the camera and have fun, and just be. I must have it with me and I must take pictures, because when I come back and there is no picture to upload on my computer I feel like I just wasted my time. It’s like I don’t see what’s around me unless I look at the viewfinder.
and this is kind of ridiculous… .
I wasn’t sure if I really want to publish this post, but then I thought, if I make it public, I’ll more likely hold myself accountable for it. It’s like going to a rehab. I started writing this post yesterday, since then I haven’t taken a single photo and I feel terrified.
It doesn’t mean I am going to stop writing posts. I’ve got enough not used, planned to be published at some point pictures that it will last me for at least a month. Till I’m done with each and every single one I’m not going to use my camera for anything else than self-portraits and occasional shot when we are out and about.
Before I would stop and take a picture of a flower and move on to the next one. Now I am going to stop and really smell it! (exercise more and drink more water, too)
Wish me luck!